We won't sleep together?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
