we have pet lesbian snakes
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
