office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
