I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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