so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
