They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
