he was CRYING into my vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
