My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
