You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
