I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
