So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
