nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
