Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she smelled like a LAN party
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
