He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
