fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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