Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
