She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
