seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
