Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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