I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
