just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
