it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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