Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
