so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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