were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
