We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We got so high we made milksteak
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
