What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
