OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
should my penis look like a turkey
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
