We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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