This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
