there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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