y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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