and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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