Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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