I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You don't make any sense
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