If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
