she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
