GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
