there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
