She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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