3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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