He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
