i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
