I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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