I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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