I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
