I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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