we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
