I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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