you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
