i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
