I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
