Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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