i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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